How Are You?

“How are you?”

Think about how many times you’ve been asked the question. Think about how many times you’ve answered it.

How often do you mean it?

We’re all guilty of arbitrarily asking it. It’s unconsciously polite; but with an undertone rooted in rudeness, given the lack of real concern in the question. I’m sure there are many times it is genuine, but if we went with ratios; the empty would far outweigh the heartfelt. Even typing this, I feel like it’s a social norm we’re all aware of and I’m having a Captain Obvious moment in calling attention to this. Why should it matter if it’s a status quo after all?

Status quo doesn’t necessarily mean “correct”.  I’ve always been a firm believer in that.

That question is SO important. I can’t believe “Whip cream or no whip cream on that mocha?” ranks as a question that inspires more feeling than “How are you?”. That question is an invitation to open the door on the concerns and the feelings of another person. In turn, it also allows the recipient of the question to feel like their state of being MATTERS. Make no mistake, the world can be designed to make you feel like a credit score and a census number. Real emotion is the kind of commodity to be cherished when presented.

Is this practice so accepted because we fear what lies in the hearts of others we share streets, subways, workplaces, and other places with? Or do we fear being shunned and judged if our true concerns ever came to the light? After all, it seems like a layer of cold nature seems to be looked at as more desirable than a warm heart.

Can I challenge you to change that?

The exercise I propose is that the next time someone asks you how you’re doing, find your comfort zone and tell them. Alternately, if you ask that question to someone and their answer is the expected “fine”, politely find a way to NOT accept that answer. For all we know, they may really be. If so, there’s always supporting facts as to why; which you shall find out as a practicing DIFBer (best I can do until I find a better name for our fans) in the field :).

It’s really an amazing thing what a little sincerity does for any situation. I’m just asking that you find that out for yourself. The potential to make someone’s day can start with something that small if you LET it. Even the process is simple!

THE OFFICIAL DIFB “HOW ARE YOU” CHEAT SHEET

When Asking

1. Approach person.

2. Introduce yourself cordially.

3. Ask “how are you?”. Sincerity is key.

4. LISTEN

5. React accordingly.

SIMPLE! How astounding is that? And you can start at anytime, any given moment. Do It For Brittany is based so much on the ability to be open about what one is feeling. Be it sending an email to us (doitforbrittany@aol.com), checking out our Twitter @doitforbrittany, or using our Outcry section; all of these methods are based in the fundamental nature of what I’m discussing right now. “How are you” may be more powerful than “I love you” just based on the fact that EVERYBODY feels a certain way at any given time.

We live in times where nobody says what they mean and what they mean remains bottled up. Lets take back that question so it stops being an empty trio of words and an invitation for true feeling to shine through.

You’ll notice I’m stressing the FEELING of this all. Because if you learn to start saying a throwaway conversation piece with the respect it deserves; you may start doing the same about other things. Showing the confidence to not only ask, but also answer with poise and truth are traits of a strong soul.

See the pattern?

Until next time: loving yourself leads to loving each other.

#DIFB – Carl Jamar Wilson

Do It For Brittany

Do It For Brittany

 

It’s a start to a larger vision.

But it’s here.

I want to welcome you to Do It For Brittany or DIFB.

Thus far, the About Us, Talk To Us/Outcry, and How You Can Help have been filled in. I will constantly be on top of the project to improve and expand it into something greater than just an idea run by one man.

I wanted to write a post explaining the concept more….but I feel like the About Us section explained it best. Below is the copy and pasted text from About Us and I hope after reading it, it will motivate you to see what YOU can do to expand upon this project or encourage you to use the Talk To Us/Outcry section to let your voice be heard.

Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for THIS to be open and ready. I love you Brittany, RIP.

 

 

——————-

 

 

Hello.

My name is Carl Jamar Wilson, also known as independent wrestler, Sugar Dunkerton. To understand Do It For Brittany AKA DIFB, you have to understand my motivation.

I lost someone so dear to me this past Tuesday; I’m writing this on November 24th, 2011.

Her name was Brittany Nichole Berry, sister to another I love very dearly, Tiffany Berry. I met Brittany many years ago doing shows at Alternative Pro Wrestling in Royston, GA under the name of Kareem Abdul Jamar. She and her sister had their share of problems and vices, but radiated a light that just needed a nurturing heart to help it flourish.

I chose to be this heart.

Their problems became OUR problems for many years via text, direct conversation, whatever. In this time frame, I watched these young girls become young ladies right before my eyes and for all my imperfections and mistakes, it felt like I contributed something positive into their worlds. Influenced them to the correct path before the shackles of negativity bound them.

I feel like we’ve talked about everything and anything at some point and if a concerned ear and and true heart could bring them that comfort; I would be that.

So when I received a text message late Monday afternoon confirming the death of Brittany, I did not hold up well.

It wasn’t simply the loss that wounded me. It was the questions.

Why didn’t she come to me, her best friend?

What was so bad she felt she needed to take her own life?

Could I have stopped her?

Everyone has their opinion and idea as to what I could have done or not done. None of these answers brings her back. My smiles feel forced and getting out of bed felt like such a chore. I just needed a sign; some kind of reason to keep her alive and most of all; prevent this from happening as best as I could. If I could stop even one person from feeling like their problem was so overwhelming, they’d choose that escape, then the restless nights putting this together would be worth it.

My sorrow, anger, hope, determination, and pure LOVE has created DIFB. I posted on my Twitter (@sugardunkerton) before I decided on the official creation of DIFB what my mindset was going into this. The transcript is below….

“Can you hear me out there? Pay attention…..

A void now exists where a heart used to be. Help me fill it? If you have a problem, let’s make it OUR problem. I’ll shoulder the weight.

Yes I’m talking to YOU. We can crush the negative goal into positive diamonds, with understanding and empathy. Love. Just know I’m here.

I’m in much pain. But it’s because a single problem stayed just that, a single problem. Let’s spread the weight and be there for each other.

If not me, somebody. But don’t tell people what they wanna hear….tell them the truth and believe they’ll love you enough to face it.

I love you enough to say this. There are no aborted dreams, impossibilities, or insecurities when we share them together and care.” – via @sugardunkerton’s Twitter

DIFB is a self-help blog. It’s an outcry for your issues. It’s an island of positivity in a sea of the negative. It’s a movement so small and fragile I hope to grow into something larger and stronger; helping more and more anywhere and everywhere.

Most of all, it is one man’s attempt to not see a young life lost be for nothing.

I love you Brittany. For every life we can change and enrich, your life will always be eternal.

So I invite you to better yourself. Help someone better themselves. Speak to us. Let your problem become OUR problem. We can do this.

Thank you. – Carl Jamar Wilson